Good student, bad student

It has always been said that what ever you are studying now, there will be a high chance that you will never use it again. Quote, "There are certain things as an economics major that you have to do at least once in your life, but only once." I truly respect that professor that came up with such a kind, smooth, profound, yet refreshing statement. I honestly disagree with his statement, because I never did some of the things in his module, and fair enough, they never came out for the exams.

When I entered the university as an undergraduate, I was looking for an education. Shockingly, most of the time, I was just given a ranking amount my peers, based on how well I write (in English or Mathematics) in a specific amount of time. Several times, it became more about understanding what my professor wants (like), and not what the field of study is about. Many a times, I feel I get more educated outside lecture theaters and tutorial classrooms.

Then why so are we all so enraged by our CAP? I have, for the past 3.5 years experience much sadness (only once happiness) from my CAP. Yet, was my life really utterly changed? I still fell sick, I still need to work hard when I graduate, I still need to uphold social morals and norms... What then did my CAP change in me? Expectations of future job opportunities? But isn't that also based on many other factors, like how the global economies are doing? Not rhetoric, truly a burning question.

People might think I'm eating sour grapes, that because I my grades suck, I conclude that grades reflect nothing. Meritocracy is 1 system of resource distribution. I shall not go into the discussion of whether it is (or is not) a better system.

I knew I did my best as a student. I spent my hours in the library, studying diligently. I did my share of consultations (although not as much this semester). I did my share of the tutorials. When it comes down to the wire, maybe, just maybe, I am not meant to be a studying person. Julius Caesar might not even be able to "Prove there exist a hyperplane that separate 2 disjoint, convex, closed sets". People always mention Bill Gates did not finish his undergraduate course, and he is who he is now.

The fact is this: NOT doing well in studying doesn't make me a lesser man. Smart crooks steal more from hacking into banks than dumb-ass burglars.

At such times of uncertainty, I draw back to something I hold dearly: my conscience (again). If I think that a lousy grade makes me a loser, than I am a loser through self-fulfilling. If I can withdraw myself from this thinking, then irregardless of my grade, I think I am good enough to my own standards. I never said I wanted to be the world's richest man, or that Nobel Prize winner. I have my own standards for success, which revolves around people around me, those that truly care about me.