Dead slient

I can't remember since a certain past, my night was never quiet. Suddenly, as I type in these words, I remember a particular someone that likes the quietness of the night. I off my song list, and have no rumbling air-condition on. Only the sound of my fan, and the sound of the typing. When I stop typing, I realise, the fan is actually quite noisy, but yet, I rather have some noise. Ok, my night is dead silent after all (if not, I would be dead in heat). I kinda like the silent suddenly (plus some random background noise).

Yes yes, emo again. Can I? Can't I? Many things I can't and shouldn't do. Cant I not even feel? Is sadness really bad? My workload this semester is really crazy, at least I think it is. Many ask if I'm trying to kill myself. Judging from my constant sharp heart pains, maybe I am.

I am trying to remember this feeling - the feeling of defeat. Why? Because its a sinking feeling, a feeling that I hate, not the low-lying-a-little-emo-kick-back feeling that I sometimes want to have. I want to remind myself never again do I want to feel like that. Meaning? 秘密。

Back to the silent. Amazingly, its beginning to sound nicer than any of the songs in my playlist. Maybe.. I am getting old, enough to start thinking of where I'm going to live out the rest of my lonely days in....