Super tired. Life has really taken a toil on me. In an FOC now, and I realised that I still talk a lot. I guess I am born that way. Maybe its impossible to really change, even if it means for the better. At least I think I am better with fewer words. I need not worry, for I still have time. I will do my best to improve myself as much as I can.
“The greatest war that a person can find against is against himself. This is the true meaning of the holy war.” I heard this sentence from a documentary on Muslims and their beliefs. I guess now it’s quite apt to say that I am fighting my own Holy War now. I am not sure, but I think some Muslims do it everyday, as a form of practice to deter them away from doing things against their religion. We should always learn good things from others.
Sometimes I am able to avoid it, but I guess it always slowly creeps back. Avoidance is not as desirable as solving the problem, but it’s the best thing I can do now. I need Time. I hope Time can help me, and maybe only Time can help me.
Maybe I should really go deeper into my own religion to reflect how I should look back into my own life. Maybe its nothing wrong being ME, but I rather change myself for my own betterment. Life might be very hard if I am trying to live another person life. Still quite confused about certain things. I really should write them down in hardcopy to really reflect, but of course, this FOC is not the best time.
Feel that I am living other people’s live, so that I do not disappoint them as a friend, as a son, as a brother, as a schoolmate, as a whatever… I seemed to be trying to impress and appeal to too many people. Maybe it sounds lame to a lot of people reading this, but I need to constant verbal reminder to myself about it.
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