I know why he sings out loudly, because I am doing that nowadays. I always think he is a bit inconsiderate, playing his guitar loudly when I am still sleeping. Wait! When I slept in the same room as him, he only plays when I wake up, so in did thought of me. Thus, I felt that I should have given him full authority of his room again, so that he can play his guitar as and when he likes, and move up one level physically, yet one level down hierarchically. Maybe does not know that his guitar sounds reaches to my room when his door is not closed. He tends to forget.
I think I sort of realise why he chose Christianity. I don't know if he had a gf that time, but under the context of my family, love is never expressed, and this gives a false impression that love is never found. Love, I feel, is readily available in mainstream Christianity (its my impression, so don't blast me if I am wrong about this). I seldom talk to him nowadays, because we do not really have many common things to talk about. He still asks me about my school, while I never asked him about his career, because it always remembers me of the time where my life was taken away from me and discarded to the corners of Hell. Nonetheless, I still respect him a lot.
I have so many people to apologise to. My pres, both current and ex, for all the nonsense I created for them. M, for all the 'snapping' that I gave you. A, for the ultimate 'snapping' that I landed on you. Yet, I have not talked to someone for almost a year, and I do not really feel the need to. In fact, I kinda like this distance, at least I have my peace.
I had real rough times interacting with people before, and its only in the past 2 years in which I reached out to those around me. I was never like that, and being lame is my best cover for the hollowness inside me, the fear that I will not get accepted, that people will scorn me again in my life. I think its sad that I have lost most of my trust for humans, and that I sincerely have problems believing in people. The scariest part, I have problems believing in myself.. again.. MAF later. Thereafter, I will continue to rest. Tired of trying to chase. I will stop here.
I think I sort of realise why he chose Christianity. I don't know if he had a gf that time, but under the context of my family, love is never expressed, and this gives a false impression that love is never found. Love, I feel, is readily available in mainstream Christianity (its my impression, so don't blast me if I am wrong about this). I seldom talk to him nowadays, because we do not really have many common things to talk about. He still asks me about my school, while I never asked him about his career, because it always remembers me of the time where my life was taken away from me and discarded to the corners of Hell. Nonetheless, I still respect him a lot.
I have so many people to apologise to. My pres, both current and ex, for all the nonsense I created for them. M, for all the 'snapping' that I gave you. A, for the ultimate 'snapping' that I landed on you. Yet, I have not talked to someone for almost a year, and I do not really feel the need to. In fact, I kinda like this distance, at least I have my peace.
I had real rough times interacting with people before, and its only in the past 2 years in which I reached out to those around me. I was never like that, and being lame is my best cover for the hollowness inside me, the fear that I will not get accepted, that people will scorn me again in my life. I think its sad that I have lost most of my trust for humans, and that I sincerely have problems believing in people. The scariest part, I have problems believing in myself.. again.. MAF later. Thereafter, I will continue to rest. Tired of trying to chase. I will stop here.
1 comment:
i guess many times we show a side of us that is easily acceptable to others, and one that also readily shrouds us such that we don't ever reveal who we truly are. but after awhile, the barriers come down and then the real person emerges- when that happens, we reach a whole new stage and realise that we, as who we really are, deserve every bit of appreciation, trust and belief.
if we start by loving the people around us, there will come a time when people can accept us for who we are. but remember- love is sacrificial (it isn't just abt emotions but actions. you can not like someone but you can love them all the same) and the true way to love is not to expect in return, no matter how much it hurts.
there are people who believe and trust, but there is only One who can really ever accept us the way we are. have you found Him yet?
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