Again

I guess I am always in the wrong. I have a very weird character. I am not a common young adult. I have a lot of interest that are not similar to many young adults. Neither is character to most young adults. After my great secondary school days, I feel that I have not been fitting in the majority crowd. Maybe it’s the activities that I do. Maybe it’s the activities that I do not do.

I want to be normal. I want to be just like everyone else. I guess it’s impossible. I am just a normal geek, or a super natural Spiderman. Not fitting in, cannot achieve much in his life, always hanging around, trying to be the best he can in every role he plays, always thinking for others, trying to help others. Oh no, I cannot be a normal geek. My grades are not even good enough to be considered a geek. Erm... I guess I am worse than a geek.

I cannot make everyone around me happy. Instead, I am always causing them trouble, giving them problems. I always make lousy decisions. No matter what decisions I make, people tend to get hurt, even when I did not mean it. I did not know how to settle certain issues. It’s hard. Doesn’t everyone have his or her dark secrets, sad past, wronged incidents that they want to hide? Maybe I am the only one that has that many. How hard is it for a guy to go around telling everyone his weaknesses, his Achilles ankle? I have kept my past behind me, but certain things bring those bad memories back. Sometimes, I choose to hide certain things because I do not want to make things more complicated. Sometimes, I choose to hide my weaknesses my sad past, my dark secrets because I just wanted to be treated as a normal person. Feelings are so very different from thoughts. At least that is the case for me. What I feel and what I think does not always tally.

Maybe I really should go seek help. Do u have friends that go around telling people they were so badly hit in the past, they needed to seek counselling before? Am sure if you have such friends, they must be very proud of their soft nature. I seem to be a joke. Not many people take me seriously, while a person still takes me seriously seems to be angry with me. I guess I had it coming. My weird character does not seem to allow me to have normal friends.

I know. I know. Everyone has his or her own problems. Mine is not very much greater than other people’s. I have great parents, healthy limbs and great health in general. I am grateful. I had great friends. I am grateful for that too. If my friends are really angry, and they do not forgive me, I have no choice but to carry on what I chose to live as. A loner’s life is not inherently sad, but sad to the normal people because they are used to having a social life. Looking for what you do not deserve will only bring you misery, and even if you get it, it’s not really rightful. My current friends are really saints that are enduring enough to accept an eccentric person as a friend. Thanks, do not know how my life will be without you all. Peace, to me…