Bad things come together

Really, life is what you make out of it. So if you are a pessimistic person, no matter where you are, you will still be a pessimist. Outside army, if you are a loser, you will still be a loser. Facing a series of unfortunate events, it’s quite amazing I can even crack a joke out of it, instead having a crack at the walls using my knuckles. So affected that I do not want to talk about it here. Unbelievable. “You know you are down when you listen to sad songs to feel happy.” Life has been brutal to me for a citizen of a modern world. I have food, I have shelter, I have a family, I have air to breathe. I have four limbs. I have a healthy body. Oops, I forgot, my ligament was torn in the army. So the last one is out. Erm… I have some money. I have a conscience. I have the ability to give up everything I just wrote, and that makes me prosperous in every sense.

When did I ever feel that bad? The time when I lost the record of $16 at the Mah Jiong table (its not the money, I took it as a sign), dropped my hand phone and it spoilt, did badly for my Mid-Term-Test, and begin to realise that the one that I like do not like me. All at once. That was last semester. This semester, it’s this.

Do I have a disability to make friends? Am I not trustable? Am I petty? I do bear grudges. Am I a freak that is so different from other people, I just cannot really gel into them as a clique? Am I that soft, and people always abuse my kindness? When I do an act I deem to be as a good deed, I do not hope to have anything in return, but I really do not wish to have my good deed benefit others while they take advantage of my kindness and hurt me in the end. I am too gullible. I am too naive. I am too soft. I am too talkative. I apologise to myself and to all for all the affirmative sentences I produced above. I have no answers for the intergorrative statements thought.

“You really know you are down when you listen to sad songs to feel happy.” It’s not the intensity of the events. If each event came together, I should be able to handle them individually. Sometimes, it feels like a god sent message that something is deadly wrong with my life. Maybe it’s to do with my monk hood or something. Lucky I still have friends that “Xue Zhong Song Tan”, helping me endure through this dark period of my life.